James Buchanan’s Ghost Haunting the White House: No One Scared

Poor Richard's History: Hoax news stories in the spirit of Dr. Franklin's "Silence Dogood"

Haunted 3Washington, DC—Recent overnight visitors to the White House, including Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo of Belgium and President Girma Wolde-Giorgis of Ethiopia, have reported seeing a mysterious, ghostly figure in vicinity of the Lincoln Bedroom. The clean-shaven man with thin white hair and a pronounced and constant tilt to his head sports a high collar and nineteenth-century garb. He has been seen at night repeatedly in the guest area of the White House. It was revealed today that U.S. Capitol Police artists had been brought in to produce a digitized image of the apparition based on the descriptions of visitors. Historians have examined the computer-produced images and have agreed that the apparition must be none other than the 15th President of the United States, James Buchanan, who was the immediate predecessor to Abraham Lincoln.

Strangely, no one has found the apparition the least bit frightening. “I actually laughed when I saw it,” an anonymous donor to the Obama campaign told PRH. “I mean, c’mon, it’s James Buchanan! He didn’t really scare anyone during his lifetime.”

Buchanan is generally seen as a weak president, largely because he did nothing to stop the secession of the Southern states in 1860-1861. He was also the only bachelor-president. “The guy couldn’t even land a wife,” another overnight visitor to the White House commented. “Kind of a wimp if you ask me. I mean, ‘Oooooo . . . I’m SO scared of you, Buchanan.’ Haha, yeah, right.”

Anonymous officials at the White House told PRH that the Obama Administration has no plans to do anything about the alleged spirit, hoping that its failure to scare anyone will make it go away on its own.


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