Indiana Repeals Common Core: Education System to Return to State of Heavenly Perfection

Hoax news stories in the spirit of Dr. Franklin's "Silence Dogood" letters

Rodgers' HomeIndianapolis – Governor Mike Pence today told a crowd of enthusiastic Common Core opponents that the state’s decision this week to discard the Common Core State Standards would return Indiana’s education system to the near-perfect condition it was in before the state adopted the standards in 2010. “Before we foolishly adopted the Common Core,” Pence proclaimed, “Indiana proudly ranked number thirty-seven among the fifty states in education. With the demise of Common Core here in the Hoosier state, we can set as our goal a return to this level of high educational attainment.”

When asked how Indiana teachers had changed their method of instruction since adopting the Common Core, Pence said: “Look, before we stupidly followed the crowd on this issue, the students of Indiana’s schools spent their days reading the Great Books of Western Civilization, considering the big questions about the meaning of life, of God’s relationship to man, and of man’s relationship to his fellow man. The students read Plato, Euclid, Aquinas, Shakespeare, Eliot. We had a true classical system of education in the medieval sense, with the trivium of grammar, logic, and rhet—wait, what is that? What? We didn’t? Kids were mostly watching videos and being asked how they ‘felt’ about things they read? The Common Core what? ‘Asked them to read texts critically and answer reading comprehension questions?’ Uh, no more comment.”

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