George Washington was Steroid User, Historian Claims

Poor Richard's History: Hoax news stories in the spirit of Dr. Franklin's "Silence Dogood"

George WashingtonDes Moines, IA—Historian William T. Appleby of The University of Iowa, Des Moines, makes a startling new claim in his new biography, Juiced: The Life and Times of George Washington–that the Father of the Country used metabolic steroids. “I know this will shock people,” Appleby explained to PRH. “But all you need to do is look at some of the sculptures of Washington to see that his incredible physique was anything but natural.” Appleby backs up his claim by pointing to testing done on a lock of Washington’s hair that was in the possession of a private collector and which he had examined by a forensic expert in preparation for his book. “The tests confirmed what I suspected all along,” Appleby says. “Look, there was a reason why no one misbehaved in Washington’s presence and why he was made the commander of the Continental Army and chosen the first president. People were scared of him because he could kick anyone’s butt.”

Appleby points to two other facts as evidence for his theory: first, Washington’s famous temper, which he claims is a classic symptom of people on performance-enhancing drugs. “Keep in mind also his inability to father biological children with Martha—a classic problem with PED users, as the drugs decrease testosterone levels. ” Appleby is scheduled to give a talk at George Washington’s Mount Vernon this fall, titled “George Washington: Performance-Enhanced President.”


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