“Ancient Aliens” Guy to Provide Color Commentary for Super Bowl

Poor Richard's History: Hoax news stories in the spirit of Dr. Franklin's "Silence Dogood"

tsoukalosEast Rutherford, New Jersey – In a stunning, last-minute move, Fox Sports has announced that Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, the famed, big-haired “ancient astronaut theorist” of The History Channel’s “Ancient Aliens” TV series will be providing color commentary for Super Bowl XLVIII between the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks this Sunday night. When asked why Tsoukalos was chosen, Harry Fenstermacher, president of Fox Sports, said that Tsoukalos “is a highly entertaining TV personality who provides unorthodox commentary on events. He will surely spice up the game, especially if it becomes a blowout, say, by the second quarter.” Tsoukalos has no background in sports broadcasting and has never played organized football at any point in his life. When reached for a comment by PRH as to his qualifications to be a color commentator on football, Tsoukalos offered this: “I have some insights, for example, as to why Peyton Manning is so talented and brilliant. He apparently enters a hypnotic state on the morning of each gameday by staring into a candle placed inside a protective cup. There he channels the mind of  . . . well, I mean, the explanation cannot be an earthly one. . . . . I don’t want to say it’s aliens, but  . . . IT’S ALIENS!”

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